September - Identity and Purpose
Parent Resources
Tips to Guide Teens To Find Purpose in Life - Center for Parent and Teen Communication
Developing Adolescent Identity - Center for Parent and Teen Communication
7 Tips for Parent’s to Help Their Teen Create a Strong Sense of Self - Psychalive
Creating an Identity - My blog
Conversation Starters
“Is there something you care about deeply—even if it’s just a small thing?”
“Have you ever had a moment where you thought, ‘I was made for this’?”
“What’s something that makes you feel like you when you’re doing it?”
“Who’s someone you look up to, and what do you admire about them?”
“Do you think people can have more than one purpose over their lifetime?”
“How do you decide what really matters to you?”
“Have you ever felt pressure to be someone you're not—at school, with friends, or even at home?”
“What kind of impact do you hope to have on people, even in small ways?”
“If you could design your own path in life—no pressure, no rules—what would it look like?”
“What kind of person do you want to be known as?”
Parent Teen Night Ideas
Lizzie Valasquez was born with a rare disorder and she can’t gain weight. She has experienced more negativity and bullying than most people ever will. In this Ted Talk, she talks about a simple but effective coping mechanism.
2. How Not to Take Things Personally
In this 18-minute Ted Talk, Frederik Imbo talks about how he became a football referee so he could learn to stop taking things so personally.
3. How to Know Your Life’s Purpose in Five Minutes
In this ten-minute Ted Talk, Adam Leipzig asks five questions that will help you figure out your life’s purpose: who are you, what do you do, who do you do it for, what do they want/need, and how do they change as a result of what you give them. This can spark a great discussion with your teen!
Figuring out who we are is a big part of life! This handy pie chart is a fun way to look at all different parts of ourselves. Print them out for you and your teen, then take a few minutes to work on them. You can also fill one out for your teen and your teen can fill one out for you. How similar are they to the ones you filled out about yourselves? Check out this blog post for some information you can discuss, too.
5. To Overcome challenges, stop comparing yourself to others
When Dean Furness lost the use of his legs in an accident, he discovered a new mindset and started competing only with himself. This 12-minute talked is filled with hope and encouragement.
This great Ted Talk by Nicole Greer talks about taking the time to really examine what we really want out of life.
7. How to Find Your Passion - 11 Abilities
This video goes through 11 abilities then suggests possible careers for each abilities. It’s a fun one!
8. My Philosophy for a Happy Life
17-year-old Sam Burns was diagnosed with Progeria, a rare, rapid aging disease, at the age of 2. In this beautiful Ted Talk, given before he passed away, he talks about his philosophy for living a happy life.
Things to watch out for:
1. They seem totally disconnected from who they are or what they care about. If your teen often says things like “I don’t know” or “I don’t care” when asked about their interests, values, or goals (and this goes on for months) it may be a sign they’re struggling to develop a sense of self.
2. They’re constantly changing themselves to fit in. Experimenting is normal, but if your teen regularly shifts their personality, opinions, or values depending on who they’re with, it could mean they’re lacking a stable internal compass or feeling pressure to please others at the cost of authenticity.
3. They show ongoing signs of low self-worth or self-hatred. Statements like “I’m worthless,” “I don’t matter,” or “No one would care if I disappeared” go beyond identity confusion. They can be signs of depression, trauma, or deep emotional pain, and should never be ignored.
4. They reject everything without exploring alternatives. It’s normal to push back on family values or traditions, but if your teen seems stuck in defiance without developing their own beliefs or direction, they may need support in building confidence and agency.
5. They’re overwhelmed by pressure to “find their purpose.” If your teen is anxious, perfectionistic, or discouraged because they feel like they should already know who they are or what they’re meant to do, it’s a sign they need reassurance that identity and purpose are discovered over time, not defined all at once.
6. They isolate or disconnect from real-life experiences. If your teen retreats into online worlds, fantasy, or constant distraction to avoid dealing with real emotions or responsibilities, it may point to avoidance rather than a healthy exploration of self.